Ndakafunga kutarisa iyi shit show yemuvhi mushure mekukurukurirana nevamwe vangu vanyori vekuHorror vanyori vaive vambovhara muck sechikamu chedu cheCutthroat Vatsoropodzi akateedzana. Ini ndakanyatso yambiro kuti handidi iyi firimu.

Ini handigone munzira ipi neipi kupfuudza kuti iyi bhaisikopo yakanditsamwisa sei. Ndakaitarisa ndichidya akawanda magirazi ewaini, achifunga kuti zvaizobatsira. Hazvina kudaro.

muck ndiyo bhaisikopo uye isinganzwisisike bhaisikopo yandati ndamboona. Zvakanyanya kushamisika kuvimba - saka fucking smarmy - zvekuti ndinoshuva dai chaive chinhu chemuviri kuti ndikwanise kuchirova chaiko musina basa.

muck ane zvese zvinodzora uye kutarisisa kweanonyangadza horny mukomana ane makore gumi nemashanu uyo ​​achangowana rake rekutanga Playboy magazini. Nekuti kana zvasvika pazviri, ndizvo chaizvo muck iri - chikonzero chekunyanyisa kupisa fomu rechikadzi pasina hupombwe uchinyunyuta mune imwe mhirizhonga kuibisa sefirimu rinotyisa.

Hongu, iyi haisi yekutanga - kana yekupedzisira - bhaisikopo kusanganisa nubile, kazhinji vakadzi vasina kupfeka vane splatter gore, asi, iwe unogona kazhinji kuwana vamwe kufanana kwechimiro chakabatana kana chimiro kana - gehena - kunyangwe zano rakajeka rekuti ndiani "nyeredzi" chaiyo yenyaya yekutuka. Asi, ndiri kuenda kumberi kwangu. Ngatitorei izvi zvishoma.

Kutanga, zvishoma kumashure. Munyori / director / mugadziri Steve Wolsh akaita yake yekutamba mafirimu na muck. Iyo yakatanga ku Playboy Mansion muna 2015, nekuti zvirokwazvo yakazviita.

muck nyeredzi Lachlan Buchanan (Mudiki uye Asina zororo) semunhu anonzi "Troit", Bryce Draper (akasungwa, Stephanie Danielson (Paranormal Kunetseka), YouTube nyeredzi Lauren Francesca, uye 2012 Playboy Playmate wegore Jaclyn Swedberg. Inotyisa icon Kane Hodder neimwe nzira iripowo. Anokodzera zvirinani.

Iyo bhaisikopo inotanga neboka revanovhunduka uye vanofungidzirwa kutya (izvo zvavanoburitsa nekungogara vachipika, nekuti "kuita") makumi maviri-nguva sezvavanobuda kubva munhope. Maererano nerondedzero yemufirimu, ivo "vari kupona nepaburi rekare", asi hazvo hapana kutaurwa nezvazvo. Zvachose. Kana kuti nei mavara echikadzi akapfeka pasina chinhu. Varume vaviri vakapfeka zvizere - vakapfeka matete, kunyangwe - ivo madzimai vari mune yavo yemukati uye vachigara vachinyunyuta pamusoro pechando. Hazvina maturo.

Mumwe wevakomana akakuvara, asi hapana nhaurirano yezvakaitika, kana sei, kana nei. Chero ruzivo rwaungatarisira kugamuchira rwunogona kupa iyi bhaisikopo rumwe rudzi rwechirongwa zviri pachena kushayikwa.

Kana iwe uchinetseka kuti nyaya yakashaikwa yaizopinda munzira yekutaurisa kutaura, unogona kuzorora zviri nyore. Mumwe wevakadzi vasina kupfeka vakapfeka joki rinokatyamadza asi risinganzwisisike kuHorny Akakuvara Douchebag (ndinoreva, ndizvo zvichida zita rake rehunhu) nemutsara, "Hauna ropa rakakwana mukati mako kuzadza mboro yako hombe iyo".

Saka… pane izvo.

Chinyorwa chaWolsh chinoita kunge chinouya kubva kuchikoro cheEli Roth chekutaurirana, icho chinofukidza mabhesiki senge "ita kuti vatambi vako vasatarisike zvachose" uye "nyora sekunge usati wanzwa nhaurwa yevanhu vakuru". Hazvigone.

Vanyori vanotsoropodza ngochani uye vanosarudzira zvataurwa mufirimu rese - rakaputirwa rakavharwa se "yekutamba banter". Iyo misogyny yakapararira zvekuti pane chaiko imwe nzira yekutaura kana yekuona kupokana masekondi ese makumi mashanu.

Mumakadhi ekuvhura, semuenzaniso, isu tinopihwa chiitiko chakazara nekuchinja kwemakamera emakona akatarisa kune akarasika uye aitya nhengo yaimbova yebato ravo (tinofungidzira?), Akapfeka chete zvipfeko zvemukati zvine tsvina (anofungidzirwa kuti afa, saka hatimboone her zvakare) ine zero mamiriro.

Nepo paine akawanda akareba, anononoka (kunyanya akavharika) kupfura kwemazamu ake asina kupfeka, hatimbonyatso kuona kumeso kwake chaiko. Nekuti izvo hazvina kukosha? Ndofungidzira? Iye haasi kuita naye uso, imi varume.

Gomera.

Pamusoro pezvo, ndine chivimbo chekuti script yacho yanga isina kukwana kwenguva yakareba kuti igadzire izere firimu, saka sarudzo yakaitwa yekurova chiito nezvinyorwa zvisina tsarukano zvemifungo inane.

Ndicho chete chikonzero chandinogona kufunga nezvazvo, chero zvakadaro. Nei zvimwe zvaungade kuisa chiitiko apo "Troit" inomirira pazuva rake iye achiedza mana - hongu, china - dzakasiyana bhurezha nemapanty anoiswa mubhawa yekugezera. Iye anoshanda kuburikidza neVictoria's Chakavanzika kiosk iyo sezviri pachena yakakwenenzverwa muhombodo yake, kuyedza kutsvaga yakanakisa yemhando yepamusoro yemhando yepamusoro yemukati (yezuva raari yatovapo).

Seye parutivi noti, kune chero munhu anoshamisika kuti ndevapi vakadzi ngoro dzakatenderedza mumabhegi edu akawandisa, ndinogona guaran-fucking-tee iwe haisi mana mana seti yemukati.

* Rubs pahuma nekushungurudzika * Okay… ndaivepi ini.

muck ine chivimbo chekutumidza nzvimbo yayo yekunyepedzera inotyisa "West Craven" (sei angatsunga iwe). Ivo vanokanda vachitenderedza rino rekuzvikorokotedza zita rinodonha nekukasira frequency kuti hapana nzira yaunogona kupotsa iyo, kunyangwe isingauyi mukutamba kusvika ingangoita maviri-matatu eiri nzira kuburikidza nemuvhi. Kunyangwe ipapo, zvinoratidzwa nezvakataurwa zvekuti "West Craven" "inofinha sei" asi "yaimbove inotonhorera". Howfuckingdareyou.

Iyi "nod" kune yakasarudzika Wes Craven inonzwa sekunge yakawedzerwa sekufungidzira kune chinyorwa chandinofungidzira chine dzakateedzana dzakapwanyika, dzakabatanidzwa-pamwe chete manapukeni emahombekombe ane mazwi "BOOBS" uye "BUTTS" akakwenenzverwa pamusoro pavo.

Chinhu chandakambotaura kare yaive nyonganiso yakawanda neve protagonists. Hapana chimwe chazvo chinodikanwa, ivo havana gamba, uye hapana kana imwe chete inomira se "gamba" pano. Iko hakuna Kwekupedzisira Musikana, ingori boka rezvibodzwa izvo nekuda kwechimwe chikonzero kuwana mamwe mitezo mune yechitatu chiito seTroit nevamwe vake vechikadzi vanoratidza.

Isu takasara tichishamisika kuti sei tichifanira kunyatsotarisira nezve mapenzi aya, uye nei iyo hero iyo Troit uye co. nhanganyaya chiitiko chaive chakakosha zvekuti chakatora chero kumhanyisa muvhi kwaive nacho ndokuchiunza kunzvimbo inotyisa.

Hapana chinhu chinonzwisisika, hapana kana chinhu chakambotsanangurwa, uye pese panovhurwa munhu muromo kuti vataure mutsetse weasinine, unozadzwa nemafungu matsva eruvengo.

Kunyangwe paine chokwadi chekuti iro boka revadiki, mapenzi mapenzi ari kurwira hupenyu hwavo, hapana chairo kusundidzira kune chero munhu kuti abatsirwe. Kufamba kwacho kwakazara nekumhanya uye kumisa zvekuti zvinoita sekutarisa mumwe munhu achiedza kutyaira tsvimbo yekuchinja kekutanga.

Ndingadaro muck ine rurimi chairwo-mu-dama kuseka, asi izvo zvinogona kureva kuti chero chinhu nezve iyo bhaisikopo chinotombori kurerekera kuseka. Ini ndinonzwisisa kuti chinangwa chaive chekuita saucy, inotyisa yekushandisa-dhiraini kutyisa - rudzi rwekunonoka-husiku slasher flick rukudzo - asi inoshaya zvachose kuziva kunoita kuti iwo mafirimu ave echokwadi uye anonakidza.

Iyo "zvisikwa" dhizaini inoodza moyo, inofinha, uye haina kuratidzwa nenzira inopa chero chiratidzo chekuti ivo ndivanaani kana kwavanogona kunge vakabva. Chokwadi, mamwe mafirimu akamboshandisa iyi pfungwa yeiyo "isingazivikanwe kutyisidzira" zvisati zvaitika, asi ivo vanowanzo fadza mune zvakasikwa, kwete chete boka revane mhanza vakomana vakafukidzwa muhupfu hwemwana.

Pane prequel zvinofungidzirwa mumabasa nekuti zviripachena muck chikamu chetatu trilogy. Zvichida prequel yaizopa mwenje pane zviri kuitika neiyo "nzvimbo yekuviga" pakutanga kwe muck, asi mukuita, ndiyo pfungwa isina kugadzikana yandakambonzwa. Prequel iripo yekuzadza rumwe ruzivo rwezvinangwa zvekuvaka pasirese, kwete kudzikatidza nekuvhara maburi epuroti iwe ausingazonetsekana nawo.

Vakatanga kukwidza mari yeiyo prequel kuburikidza neKickstarter pamberi muck yakaburitswa pachena, uye vatsigiri vari kwete kufara nezve mibayiro isipo uye kushaikwa kwevaridzi kubva kuna Wolsh. Hapana chinhu chinoita kuti vateereri vafarire zvimwe firimu rinogumbura risinganzwisisike uye kunonoka kwemakore mana pakati pemazita.

zvino, muck ndinogona kuve nehunhu hwekudzikinura - ini ndinowanzo rumbidza cinematografi kana zvinoshanda - asi ini pachokwadi ndaisakwanisa kana kunyoresa kana paine chero chinhu chakakosha pamusoro peiyi bhaisikopo. Ndozvazvinoita zvinosemesa.

Saka. Hongu.

Ndakazvivenga.

Gadzirira svondo rinouya kune imwezve edition yeLate to the Party! Unogona kutarisa mamwe mazita kubva nhepfenyuro yedu inoenderera pano.